


Tis a blushing, shame-faced spirit that mutinies in a man's bosom

by aimeewrites



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:27:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28388499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimeewrites/pseuds/aimeewrites
Summary: After Chakotay's little escapade to the Kazons' ship to retrieve the technology, things do not exactly happen the way they did... No report in this one. Instead, Chakotay decides it's time for a  mutiny ...(title from Shakespeare)
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 15
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

_“Just tell me one thing. What were you thinking?”_

_“ About keeping our technology out of Kazon hands. I thought if I did it on my own, I could keep the rest of the crew out of danger.”_

_“That may be a very noble sentiment, but it wasn't your decision to make. Oh, Chakotay. We've spent the last ten months together on this ship. I thought we had an understanding. Why did you choose to ignore procedure?”_

_“ Seska was my problem, a problem I felt it was my duty to solve.”_

_“ So you had a personal score to settle.”_

_“ I thought I was doing the right thing.”_

_“Really? Tell me this. How do you expect me to keep order when the First Officer takes it upon himself to run off like some cowboy because he decides it's a good idea? What you did was commendable. The way you did it was not. You set a terrible example. And on a personal level, you've made my job more difficult.”_

“Well, Captain, it’s not like you’re always doing the right thing either.”

I stared at him, flabbergasted. He had come in looking contrite, as well he should, but this last remark had certainly not been delivered as an apology.

“I beg your pardon, Commander?”

I recoiled as he came to lean on my desk.

“I mean I’ve had enough of doing things the Starfleet way, “Captain” – it’s not like it’s helping us get home any faster. So I had a personal score to settle – fair enough. But it also reminded me that being all prim and proper and nice never got anyone anything. It reminded me of why I’d left Starfleet and become a member of the Maquis in the first place.”

“Chakotay!”

I fought his vice-like grip on my wrists, to no avail. I couldn’t even call security. For the first time in his presence, I was afraid. He dragged me up, tore my combadge from my jacket and led me to the banquette, where he threw me. I stared at him. “What do you want, Chakotay?”

“Hmm – well, a few things. But first, I want you to assemble the crew and tell them you’re giving command to me. Then, we’ll see, Kathryn.”

“You’re – you’re mad. What did they do to you, Chakotay? What happened on that ship?”

I was trying to stall, while working out frantically whether he could possibly have enough support to engineer a mutiny. He just might have – we had had a few tough months, and part of the crew, I knew, was growing increasingly despondent and disgruntled. Tempers were frayed. Some would never desert me. But… Maybe this had been brewing for a long time. Maybe this episode with the Kazons was just –

“Go on, Kathryn – here’s your combadge -make the call.”

He held the badge in front of my face. Resisting the urge to bite his hand, I clamped my mouth shut and stared into his eyes. Dark – dangerous. No trace of the usual warmth and comfort. He sat beside me and once again grabbed my wrists.

“Listen, Kathryn – you’re making this call. I don’t want to hurt you, but my last little trip reminded me of a few tactics to make people talk. I wouldn’t want to have to use them on you. They were – quite disagreeable.”

“You wouldn’t!”, I spit out. Somehow I was still sure I could make him zap out of whatever trance he was in. I was also extremely pissed off. At one point, I’d almost been ready to heed his message and leave him for dead with the Kazons. I’d let my conscience – or more likely, my heart – and B’Elanna – talk me out of it, and this was how he rewarded me for saving his life? But surely it wasn’t Chakotay – they must have done something to him.

That’s when he slapped me – twice. Not with his full force, but hard enough to hurt.

“I would.”

I knew then that he wasn’t my First Officer at that moment, and that I would have to comply.

“Janeway to all personnel – please assemble on the Bridge unless you cannot leave your post. Thank you.”

My voice wasn’t shaking. We would get to the Bridge, my crew would see something was wrong, and they would come to my rescue. Everything would be just fine. And then we would find a cure for whatever had happened to Chakotay.

****

I grabbed my knees with my arms, curling up into a small ball, bowing my head and sheltering my eyes from the harsh light of the brig. It was cold – why was it so cold? Something must have gone wrong with the gel packs somewhere. Or maybe it was just part of this whole nightmare. Only it wasn’t a bad dream – I’d already pinched myself five seconds after two of my own security crew had manhandled me into the brig. Four – or maybe five hours ago. Just after Chakotay had pointed a phaser at me, very discreetly, on the bridge, and told me to say exactly what he wanted me to say, because it was set to kill. Just after he had told me an unfortunate transport accident had stranded Tuvok and a few other of my most devoted crewmembers on an M-class planet we just happened to be passing. I’m not sure that was true – there had been no sign of any on the sensors – but the alternative was too awful to contemplate. Harry Kim and Tom Paris had seemed – subdued. What kind of hold did Chakotay have on them? They hadn’t protested. No one had said anything. No one had objected. A crewman had brought me food – unidentifiable – which I’d left untouched. Otherwise, at least they left me alone. But I knew it wouldn’t last. Chakotay didn’t have my command codes or Tuvok’s. If Tuvok was really … Dead – then he would need mine to access all the systems. I shivered. I’d been tortured by the Cardassians – would being tortured by someone I’d come to trust be better? Or worse? 


	2. Chapter 2

“Well, Janeway, I hope you slept well? You have a decision to make…”

I stared at Chakotay, who was sitting in my chair, in my ready room. I’d just been handcuffed and dragged there by Ayala and another crewman, whose name I couldn’t remember. I thought very briefly that it was all my fault – I should have taken more time to know them all. Chakotay’s newly-hostile eyes stared right back at me. He wasn’t even calling me Kathryn anymore – whatever had hold of him had got even stronger. I decided to try and remain calm. “A decision?”, I asked, as if we were discussing what we were going to have for lunch.

“A decision. You can give me the command codes and comply with my orders, or…Things will get messy.”

“I’m not giving you the command codes, Chak-“

I was pushed roughly to my knees by Lieutenant Ayala, and being unable to balance with my hands shackled behind my back, I almost fell down completely. He yanked my hair back to bring me back on my knees. 

“I think he wants you to call me Commander, Janeway. That would show proper respect. Sir would be acceptable too. Now – if you’re not going to be reasonable…I thought I made it perfectly clear yesterday that I would not hesitate to use force.”

“Do it, then!”

I was still pretty sure he would not torture me.

“Bring him in!”, said Chakotay to someone in the corridor.

I was still on my knees when Mr Kim, also flanked by two guards, was brought into the ready room. Seeing me, he tried to come to me but was pushed away.

“Now, Janeway – here’s what we’re going to do – I know you. I know you’re always ready to sacrifice yourself for your crew. But that’s not the game here. We’re going to see if they’re going to sacrifice their lives for yours. Go on, Ayala!”

Ayala aimed a phaser at Harry Kim, who screamed and fell to his knees too.

“He’s not dead”, commented Chakotay. “Not yet anyway – we’re going to see how many of these he can take. Unless you’d rather give me the command codes.”

I looked at Harry and then back at Chakotay, stunned. Until then, I hadn’t truly believed he would hurt anyone. I still held to the thought that Tuvok was alive. He gestured to Ayala.

“No! Please! Let him alone – let him go!”

“Will you tell me the codes?”

“If you let Harry go,” I murmured. I couldn’t let Harry get hurt because of me, and Chakotay knew it.

“Good – I knew you’d be reasonable. The codes, and he goes free.”

I mumbled the three codes that would give him complete control of the ship. Chakotay came towards me and as he tried to caress my cheek, I jerked my head down and aside. He laughed.

“You can go”, he said to Ayala and the others. “Take Kim with you.”

Seeing Ayala starting to protest, he added, “Don’t worry, she’s not going to do anything. Are you, Janeway?”

He’d cupped my chin with his large hand and I couldn’t have answered him, even if I’d wanted to. As the others left, he helped me up and pushed me towards the banquette.

“Maybe you could take the handcuffs off?” I tried to suggest.

He actually did so and I massaged my wrists.

“So… What are you going to do with my ship, exactly, “Commander”?” I tried for a neutral tone, but it came out as bitter.

“That would be my ship, now, Janeway. As for what I’m going to do with it…I’m going to use it to find the nicest M-class planet possible here in the Delta Quadrant for us to settle. You were the one obsessed with going home. Most of the crew isn’t. They just want to feel safe, and enjoy life while they can. And be free. I’ll give them that. You have two choices – work with me, or not. If not… Well, there are plenty of option – I can just drop you on an M-class planet where you might survive. Or… We’ll need alliances – I’m sure a human female could get a good price. Some of those Kazon mages seem to like feisty women.”

I stared at him with horror. I didn’t know if he meant it. He sounded as he did. As he was a complete stranger to me, I couldn’t read him at all.

“So that’s what you want to do with me. How many of my crew are you going to dispose of like that?” I wasn’t even trying for neutrality anymore – I’d gone completely cold.

“That’s not exactly what I want to do with you – I’d much rather have you here. I’ve been waiting to have you for about a year and a half, so I’d much rather you chose to help me.”

“Help you maroon us here forever? Never! I’ll never help you do that.”

Another slap. Again, it hurt, and I reeled. He grabbed me behind the neck and his lips bruised mine in a punishing kiss. He only got numbness in return. This wasn’t the way. Oh God – it wasn’t the way, it wasn’t how I’d dreamt that first kiss, the one I’d been denying myself because of my high ideals and my Starfleet principles. He was kissing a rag doll, but he didn’t seem to mind.

****

I forced myself to eat a little of the unrecognisable concoction they’d brought me. The taste was vile. What had become of Neelix? Or was he on their side? Was it his way of punishing me? Was he just obeying orders? Before leading me back to the brig, Chakotay had “indulged me” – he had told me how his little coup was working. Many of my crew were apparently unsatisfied – well, I couldn’t blame them, it wasn’t as if they had chosen to be stranded in the Delta Quadrant. I was the one to blame for that all right. They also found me high and mighty, aloof and so stiff with Starfleet principles I wouldn’t talk to someone who wasn’t an officer. That was untrue. At first, I have to admit I had struggled to find the right distance, but I thought I’d got better. Was I really that unreachable? Also, I was obsessed with an impossible quest, and willing to get them all killed into the bargain. I’d cried myself to sleep after every death. So…These were the ones more than willing to side with Chakotay. And then, apparently, I had a few loyal crewmembers – Mr Kim, Tom Paris, and others. With them, things had been made clear – if they rebelled against the rebellion, Chakotay would kill me. And that’s how he held me – threatening them would make me submissive, threatening me made them docile. Machiavellian – and effective. Before throwing me into the brig, Chakotay had made me take off my jacket. I was once again shivering in my turtleneck – from which he had made a great show of detaching the pips- and thin trousers. I hated to have to ask, but…

“Excuse me?”

I didn’t really know the crewman guarding the brig – I think his name was Jones – or maybe James. He came, and stood behind the force field, smirking.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I could have a blanket?”

He gawked at me. Then he left and went to the door, saying something in his combadge.

I waited.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay in posting ; I'm having a hard time writing this one - plus I'm in the middle of a bad bout of sciatica and the pain doesn't help !

“So this is the famous Captain Janeway – she doesn’t look like much…”

“No longer captain, Maje. I’m the one in command now.”

I looked at the two men sitting in my ready room and wondered why Chakotay had had me fetched. None of the options that came to mind were pleasant, but then, neither was remaining in the brig. I’d finally got the blanket, but the crewman, whose name I still didn’t know, had used the occasion to grope me and if there hadn’t been a change of shift right at that moment, I didn’t want to think whether he would have gone further. With no way of calling for help or defending myself, I was utterly helpless and at his mercy. Not that I had any more power now. I willed my body to stop shivering from cold and tilted my chin up defiantly.

“So that’s how you’re going to make this work, Chakotay? By allying yourself with the Kazons? That’s pathetic – so what are you going to give them, uh? Technology? Arms? Since you’ve decided to do it the Maquis way and become best buddies with half-witted brutes. ”

“Are you going to let her talk to you like that?”, interjected the maje, “Our women learn to be obedient!”

Chakotay came towards me and I instinctively took a step back, hating that I didn’t have the strength or the guts to hit him hard enough it would hurt. He seized my wrists, twisted my arms behind my back and threw me on my knees at the feet of the maje.

“Apologize, Janeway! Or I’ll make you very sorry.”

I spat instead.

The maje kicked me to the floor and I just laid there for a minute, stunned by the head blow.

“I think we can make a deal, Commander Chakotay,” I heard the maje say. “This woman is wanted by many Kazon sects – give her to me and I’ll help you any way you need.”

No! Chakotay wouldn’t … Surely he wouldn’t…

“I’ll consider your offer, maje. In the meantime, she will apologise in a way I’m sure you’ll find pleasurable – if I’m not mistaken, the Kazons have the same needs as human males…”

I came back to consciousness when Chakotay hauled me up to my feet again.

“I wouldn’t try that again if I were you, Janeway – you’re going to put your mouth to better use.”

“Never! I’ll never-“

“Oh, I think you will.”

He talked into his combadge: “Bring her in.”

I instinctively turned my head towards the door to see Kes being brought in by a security guard. Like Harry Kim, she immediately started towards me and was held back.

“Captain!” she cried out.

“I’m all right, Kes. Really.”

Turning to Chakotay, I hissed: “You monster! She’s innocent in all this – let her go! This minute.”

He smirked. “I don’t think so. Remember our deal? Whenever you act out, your loyal followers will suffer. So either you obey me or your little Ocampan will be reminded of darker times.”

“I’ll never do what you ask- never!”

I heard a cry of pain and saw Kes doubled over. My heart broke. I had no choice. I turned my head towards the maje, who’d started to open his trousers and swallowed my revulsion. I glanced back at Chakotay. “Please get Kes out of here. Please!”

He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

I felt the tears rise in my eyes as I took the maje’s member in my hands, and then in my mouth. As he came, I retched and spit out his semen on the floor. Immediately, he held me down and wiped it with my hair, rubbing my face into it as I struggled for breath. I could hear Kes crying and my own tears mixed with the vile juice on my cheeks. When he reached for my trousers and tore them up, I kicked him but he was too strong for me. Help came from an unexpected source.

“She doesn’t deserve that honour, maje – why don’t we leave her here and go to engineering? We need to discuss which kind of technology we can exchange. Or better still – she’ll come with us – let her crew see how obedient she’s become.”

He dragged me up and cuffed my hands behind my back again, murmuring: “You can thank me later, Janeway. Lucky I want you for myself.”

Bastard! But he had saved me from the Kazon – was there still part of my Chakotay in him, or was it only his hubris talking?

I kept my head down as he pushed me ahead of himself and the maje. Half-naked, my cheeks crimson from shame, tears and carpet burn, hair falling down in dishevelled locks, my only saving thought was that as long as he humiliated me, he left the other members of the crew alone, or so I hoped. We came across several of them, and although I avoided their stares, I could guess what they were thinking. Were they, as Chakotay had intimated, glad to see me in this pitiful state? Did they think I deserved it? Or were some of them sympathetic to my plight, but too scared to act for fear of reprisal?

That night, back in the brig, one thought only occupied my mind – I could not see a happy ending. Whatever the Kazons had done to Chakotay seemed to have a lasting effect. At first I’d hoped for a transient one, but it had been three days and showed no sign of abating. He had at least taken pity on me and given me some kind of dress to wear, but…

“Janeway – get up – the Commander wants you.”

My heart started to beat faster and I suddenly felt cold seep through my veins. He wanted me at night? Of course, in the middle of the Delta Quadrant, there were no nights as such, but…Since I wasn’t getting up fast enough, the guard dragged me out of the brig.


	4. Chapter 4

“Leave us!”, Chakotay ordered as the guard pushed me into his private quarters. So he hadn’t moved into mine – yet. Hating the fact that without my boots I had to look up to him, I stared at him right in the eye, putting as much ice in mine as I could. Not that it would be of any use. I had learnt a few hand-to-hand combat techniques over the years, but I was no match for his brute strength.

“What do you want, Chakotay? Couldn’t sleep?”

I couldn’t help taunting him – my nerves were so frayed they’d been reduced to mere filaments, and I couldn’t control myself anymore. Of course, he slapped me. Again. My eyes filled up instantly – I couldn’t control my reactions anymore.

“Don’t push me, Janeway. Go and get cleaned up.”

I looked at him in surprise – I hadn’t been allowed access to a shower after the episode with the Kazon maje, and it seemed like an unexpected act of kindness.

“You stink of him. Go before I change my mind.”

I hurried into his bathroom and took the dress off, slipping under the sonic shower. Although it wasn’t as good as a real shower, it helped. I washed the goo off my hair and my body, and closed my eyes, enjoying the brief respite. When I opened them, Chakotay was watching me from the doorway. His eyes undressed my already naked body and I know I blushed crimson. Although I’d spent the day wearing a scanty shift, I still felt shamed at him seeing me like that. I stepped out of the shower and covered my most intimate parts with my hand, my breasts with the other, in a futile gesture to reclaim some privacy. He seized my hands in his and brushed against my core and my breasts, my treacherous body squirming under his touch and my breasts coming to attention. His fingers were neither gentle nor brutal and it had been so long since my body had known such attention that I couldn’t blame it if it reacted, but I wished I had more control over myself. I was sure I didn’t want him to go further – not like this – not that version of him. I also knew that if he was going to force himself on me, I wouldn’t be able to overpower him. Against my better judgement, my mouth decided to run wild and I taunted him.

“So there we are. The great Maquis leader, raping a defenceless woman. How the mighty have fallen!”

His grip strengthened on my wrists as he dragged me back, still naked, into his bedroom and threw me onto the bed. I was expecting him to pounce on me but he took a few steps back, his dark eyes exploring every inch of my skin, noting the bruises the rough treatment of the last few days had left.

“Contrary to what you think, Janeway, the Maquis are not savages – we are fighting for a just cause. One your almighty federation can’t be bothered with. I’m not going to rape you. You’re going to beg me to take you. I know you want to. I’ve seen the way you look at me – hungry. Hopeful. You’re ready to submit, Janeway.”

“Never!”, I murmured. Oh, he wasn’t wrong – but not that “him”.

At that moment, a huge noise scattered the silence, the lights went out and the ship seemed to break in two. It shook and heaved and jinked so hard Chakotay was thrown to the floors and I had to grip the headboard of the bed to steady myself.

When it stopped a few minutes later, Chakotay barked into his combadge: “Chakotay to bridge, report!” as I tried to regain my breath and massaged my brow, which had collided into the headboard.

“There was a wave of pulsar-range magnetic radiations, sir. We had seen nothing on the radar. It’s past now. Engineering is working on the primary systems. Life support has not been compromised, but the lights and replicator should be back in a few minutes.

Then Chakotay turned towards me and even in the darkness, I saw his eyes widen and his eyebrows rise.

“Kathryn?! What – how – what are you doing here?”

Then he felt his head and muttered: “I must have a concussion. I certainly have the headache to go with it – and hallucinations.”

I held my breath, not daring to believe the nightmare had ended. I frantically tried to analyse what had happened. It was possible that the radiations had somehow broken the control of whatever Chakotay was under. For once, even my scientific mind decided I didn’t have to understand immediately. But I had to be sure. I reached for the blanket and covered myself. He didn’t object.

“Chakotay? Are you- are you all right?”

He sat on the edge of the bed and tentatively touched my arm.

“I don’t know, Captain. Are you real?”

“I’m very much real, Commander. Do you remember anything of what happened during the last few days?”

“Well – I was on the Kazon ship – I went after Seska and…”

He stopped talking and I saw the past days run through his mind, reflected by a deep anguish in his eyes. He buried his face in his hands and I put my hand on his shoulder automatically. I wasn’t all right. I was still naked, with only a flimsy blanket for protection, with a man who had torn my ship and my reality apart for several days. But he was also Chakotay. My friend. And I would never refuse comfort to a friend.

“Kathryn! What have I done? How – how can you ever forgive me?”

I swallowed hard. I wasn’t ready to forgive him yet. Even though I knew he hadn’t acted willingly, it was still too soon – the bruises on my body and the fear in my mind were a stark reminder of that.

“Would you lend me something to wear, Commander? I’d feel more comfortable.”

He jumped up and came back a few seconds later with a shirt and sports trousers. Then he went into the other room, still looking distraught. I put on the shirt, which hung loosely on my small frame and knotted the top of the trousers so that they would stay in place. After that, I took a deep breath, went back to the bathroom to splash some water on my face and joined Chakotay.

“Would you escort me to my quarters, Commander? I’m not sure I’d make it without you. I don’t know whether the others have also been subjected to mind control or whether they just followed your leadership, but I’d rather not end up in the brig again.”

He groaned. “I don’t know how I can apologise, Captain. I’m not quite sure what happened either. Of course- let’s go.”

We got several curious looks on the way but at least no one tried to stop us. Once in my quarters, I immediately changed into a fresh uniform and repaired my hair and make-up. Then I affixed the pips to my collar and firmly put my command mask on.

“Time to repair the damages, Commander. I suggest we go to the bridge together and make several shipwide announcements.”

He nodded. Suddenly, my command mask crumpled and my voice shook as a thought entered my mind: “Chakotay? What about Tuvok and the others? What – what happened to them?”

He hit his combadge: “Chakotay to bridge – reverse course to Planet M-340 – immediately.”

“But Chakotay…”

“Do it, Lieutenant Paris – now.”

“Acknowledged, Sir.”

My eyes filled with tears as I released the breath I hadn’t known I was holding.

“Do you think they’re still alive?”

“They should be. I left them some supplies – and it’s only been three days.”

Three days – an eternity.

I nodded too. “Let’s go to the bridge.”


	5. Epilogue

It took several days for things to get back to normal. Tuvok and the others had managed to stay alive – indeed, they had fared better than some crewmembers who had been mistreated. I had nightmares. Every night. Every night, I saw myself on that bed, and I lived through what hadn’t happened. I refused to go and see the Doctor, though – I didn’t want a chemical solution. I wanted my brain to process them and help me forget. I didn’t eat much, either – everything tasted of the vile slop I’d been given in the brig. I drank a lot of coffee and worked on adrenaline. Chakotay did his better to act like the perfect First Officer, and to atone for what he did, but I’m afraid I made him work hard to regain my trust. Our alliance had been smashed to pieces and one can never completely rebuild from fragments. The Japanese have an ancient art, kintsugi – they repair broken pottery with liquid gold. That’s what we tried to do – to sublimate the scars. We will not forget. We’ll forge a new alliance, stronger and safer. And we will go home.


End file.
